The Static of Clingy Relationships

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Why do guys care so much about not coming across as clingy? There is this guy that my best friend is dating and recently he won’t ring her when he say’s he will or he won’t be able to meet up when they arranged to. Before all this he seemed like the perfect gentleman but now he is acting so strange. She recently told him that she liked him a lot and now she is concerned it may have turned him off her. Although he told her that he liked her just as much. He also told one of our friends that he does not want her to think that he is clingy. If he knows that she likes him and likes spending time with him and he likes it too. Why is he playing these games? Why is he putting his fear of seeming clingy before spending time with the girl he likes? Signed, Confused Friend　
　
Mimi says:
OK. I’m old, so I have data on human behavior over extended periods of time. To clarify, “clingy” is Guyspeak for “there’s too much emotion going on here and I don’t want to get attached to you because I want to keep my options open but if I tell you that, you‘ll tell me to frack off and you‘ll find someone else who isn‘t as emotionally constipated as I am so I am using this vague word as a place holder for the whole truth.” ...aaand breathe.

Guys move through phases of needing a relationship and being allergic to them. High school, at least until mid senior year, is a relationship safe time period. By December of senior year, guys start shopping the virtual catalog of girls that they can date next year at college and even their “serious” girlfriend starts to look like an old car to them when the shiny new models are right around the corner. Between ages 19 and about 28, don’t expect any guy to be completely, 100% done with “ catalog shopping”. Even if they aren’t actually “buying”, they are looking. Girls, on the other hand, at least the ones without much vision of themselves as viable sources of power in the world, start playing “wedding” before they have breasts.

Now, in terms girls can relate to, here's my theory on guys "catalog shopping" habits. Let’s say you have a shoe budget of $100 and you find the perfect pair of red heels and they’re $89.99. They look great and they feel great on your feet. A female will gladly hand over every cent and she’ll make those shoes work for her even if they are impractical. She will buy them and love them and wear them with everything, even jeans, even if she looks like a hooker on her day off at the grocery store. Now a guys brain, if he could reach the same level of infatuation with a shoe as a woman can, would fall madly in love with the shoe but the practical side of his brain would overrule the passionate side. He would look at the shoe and then look at the $100 and say, “I can buy ten pairs of cheap shoes and toss them out as they wear out and that will last me a very long time That makes more sense than blowing my entire budget right now on this one fabulous pair of red heels that I love”. Your friend with the waffling guy, by the way, ia the red pair of heels. Guys would rather keep their options open until they absolutely, positively must make a choice and even if it means saying goodbye to the most perfect thing they may ever find.
I think that most males suffer from a dread disease called Notenoughosis. They want the very best but they also want to be able to upgrade when something new catches their eye. They can’t grasp the concept that love is a resource that replenishes itself as “new” constantly. When you surrender to love right now then you are living completely, right now. And if you can do that every day, if you can make the choice to surrender to love every day, then you will have love every day. If you hold out for some imagined thing that is more perfect than the perfection you already have in your hands, then you have done the equivalent of buying ten pairs of inferior shoes that will each fall apart before long. Some guys would rather have a picture of the perfect red shoes they almost bought to brag to their guy friends than to just buy them and be happy now for as long as now is. Print this out and give it to your friend to give to the guy she is interested in. And to the guy: buy the shoes dumb ass.

Samm says:
Ah dear...ohhhhhhh dear. This is a very very hard one for me to answer...because unfortunately..I am dead center (24!) in the "guys are idiots" stage of life....All I can think is that, guys can't seem to commit. Some guys realize they have it incredibly good. They can't imagine meeting anyone better, and it scares the SHIT out of them..and as soon as an argument or uncomfortable situation comes along...they use that as a way to escape. "OH WE HAD A FIGHT! PERFECT! NOW I HAVE AN EXCUSE TO DUMP HER!". yah...guys are lame. But there ARE good guys out there!!! Being a girl that has always had more guy friends than girls, I can vouch for my older guy friends that have their head screwed on right. They have the balls to say "I'm not going to be in ANY relationship right now, because I'm not ready to commit...so there's no point in hurting somones feelings when it's really my feelings that need to be worked on". SO to your friend...dump the guy. Move on, but don't expect to find a guy within the next few years that is willing to be the right kind of clingy for you! Be happy being young, beautiful and free to live the life you want WITHOUT a clinger! And then one day when you stop looking, you'll be pleased to find someone that's willing to put as much effort into a relationship as you are:) As for you guys that might be reading this and saying "ya right these bitches don't know what they're talking about"...wait until you're 33, with a wonderful woman and ask her what her experience growing up was...then remove head from sphincter, and teach your son to be wiser than you were :)
BTW Mom...I would buy those red shoes. Yes I would!