Am I Blue?

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There was a product that I would add to my wash, along with the detergent, that was a whitening agent. I cannot think of the name of it, but believe it was a powder. I know that the product is no longer made, but it is driving me crazy that I cannot remember the name. And, once you come up with the name of the product, can you tell me if there is anything like that available anymore?that works as well as this one did? Signed, N

Mimi Says: Girl, you must be talking about LaFrance. I loved that stuff. It was a powdered bluing agent that left your white fabrics bright and beautiful. Sadly, the company went out of business and the Dial Corporation who had bought up the small company, has no plans to start production again. As an alternative, you can buy Reckitts Blue cubes, made since the early 1800’s , at the following website. You’ll be thrilled to know that it can be used to wash your floors while it wards off evil spirits. No joke. It says that on their website. (What?) http://divinafe.com/shop/item.asp?itemid=874
I also found another old product, , a bluing crystal product, at this other website and you can buy it for a great price! http://www.andyandmecountrytreasures.biz/ look for the-Antique Vintage Style Crystline Laundry Blueing
Wouldn’t it be great if a family owned grocery chain decided to start carrying loved products that are hard to find? They could sell them on their own website as well. Now to get someone in my Michigan to start carrying Francisco Renaldi spaghetti sauce, the only jar sauce tht should ever be sold ( said the Italian American girl)

Paradise Lost?

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Here's my 2 part issue: I have to decide whether to stay here in Hawaii or not. And if I stay here I have to figure out a way to make a living! I think I need a partner to continue in real estate since it is commission based. One person's base living expenses here are $27,000 and for 2 people it is $33,000. So to find a partner, going online is an option but stick to people in Hawaii???
And if I move, I would likely return to Arkansas since my people are there. I would have to make a living there, too...
Carol T. in Hawaii
　
Mimi Says: Aloha Carol! Ah, to stay or leave paradise. There are so many reasons why people move to islands but virtually all of those folks run into the inevitable conclusion that unless they brought everything they will ever need- including enough funding to see them into their golden years, they will have to find a way to stay there. Real estate is in a tough place right now… for sellers. Especially if they are American property owners trying to free up some cash. You mention the idea of finding a partner to stay in the real estate game in the islands. If I can play psychic for a moment, I would say that the current economic disaster that we are all facing, will not go on forever. Land, and especially land on a big ole gorgeous island, will always be valuable and given the privacy island living can offer the well to do, it will always be what they crave.
How about creating something that doesn’t exist right now, as far as I know? Instead of trying to have someone move to Hawaii to start a business with you, why not use the Internet and your realtor connections to find a few fellow female real estate agents in places like, Japan, England, Germany, emerging nations like India, and also, the USA and create a woman to woman network of property investing? In my state, (Michigan) we have had people coming over from the U.K. and purchasing homes at ridiculously low rates and then renting them as absentee owners. They just want in on the investment possibilities. It’s a buyer’s market and women comprise more than half the population of the world. We are also, finally, gathering our own wealth. Creating a group, right now, of women that assist other women in real estate purchases will put you ahead of the game. While you’re pulling that idea together, there are certainly other talents in your repertoire you can bring out in the light again. Perhaps something in the fashion world, or something related to organizational skills. You’ve got them, others need them! One woman I knew from my days in the tour and travel world, left our old business and started a wildly successful company in Scottsdale, Arizona. She now arranges private V.I.P. limo shopping tours for women to the finest specialty shops and boutiques in the Valley. Start your own in the islands or get in touch with her and ask about opening a branch office in Honolulu! And by the way, even if you decide to return to Arkansas to be near family, you can still start businesses like this, selling real estate in Hawaii while you sit in the shade of a magnolia tree and sip your sweet tea!

What was that smell?

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My grandmother had a blue glass bottle of perfume with a little silver label perfume that I just loved and I can’t remember the name of the perfume so I can’t even look it up to see if they still make it. It was a soft, flowery smell. I wanted to get some for my Mom for her birthday. Any clues what it might be.? Signed, V. L.
　
　
Mimi Says: Samm isn’t going to remember this because there were no Pterodactyls in the sky when she was a child like in my own youth. Let’s see, it was from your grandmother’s era and you are old enough to make a sentimental connection for your mother’s gift, so I’m guessing you might be at least 20. Your grandmother’s perfume might have been a fragrance popular before and during World War II and one of the most popular in that era was Evening In Paris (Soir de Paris). It was created in the late 1920’s and was manufactured until 1969 by company named Bourjois. In 1992, a new company bought the rights and “reformulated” the perfume, so what you can get now is not the exact same fragrance that your mother will remember. The original formulation had these qualities according to a perfume specialist at Frangrantcia: The top notes are fruity fresh, featured with bergamot, apricot and peach, green notes and violet. The floral heart is composed of rose Damascena, jasmine, heliotrope, ylang-ylang, lily-of-the-valley and orris. The base includes amber, musk, sandalwood and vanilla. The new formulation has these qualities: Head-notes are bergamot and violet, the heart is very flowery with lilac, rose, jasmine, clover and linden blossom. The dry down is composed of vetiver and vanilla.
Don’t get me wrong, it’s a really good fragrance and though the new bottles are blue glass, they are not the original bullet shaped with the tassle or the elegant oval that adorned my own mothers dressing table. The power of scent memory is something we must all bow down to. One whiff of a scent that we have attached to a moment in our memory bank, and up comes the memory in Technicolor complete with the tune playing on the radio. You can purchase the “new” formulation through many websites including The Vermont Country Store. You can also buy the beautiful vintage bottles on the internet. Here’s a thought- buy the original bottle and fill it with the new formula for your mother. Wrap it up in a small box with a blue velvet bow. She’ll love it!

Esoteric Quandry

Why do we exist on Earth? Signed, Seeker


Mimi Says:
We exist on this planet so that we can have the experience of interacting with other life forms. We exist on this planet in these physical bodies because the energy that we actually are is too amorphous to have tactile sensation. We don these bodies like a space suit and we plod around Earth with it's gravity until we are done, then we drop the spacesuit and we go on to a non-physical experience elsewhere. Oh, and we exist on Earth to be able to taste the Ben & Jerry’s Chunky Monkey, and that makes it all worth it.

Samm Says:
I agree with my mom, but I also think we are on this planet to love and be loved. Compassion is the best thing humanity has, and often we over look or forget about it. We have to learn from our mistakes, get over our inflated ego's and teach each other how to live peacefully. It sounds like a great deal to ask from humanity, but if we could make that work....maybe mother nature wouldn't have it out for us? Question our existance all you want...but don't forget to LIVE! One day at a time, do what you LOVE and don't forget to show compassion whenever possible.

Just can't stop hatin'?

"I've screwed this up so many times, I really don't know what to do anymore. I can't seem to control my temper around my dad. I always lose it and I say stuff to him that is just mean and I feel bad about it later. I'm trying I really am, but sometimes I'll slip and it will explode into a huge fight about how I treat him like "crap". I have no idea how to stop this subconscious behavior toward him, and I don't know how to change my attitude in general.Any suggestion on simple ways to make him see that I am trying to treat him the way I should, even when I slip up?" Signed- S.　

Mimi says: The first thing you have to do is one of the hardest you will ever do; Make an effort to see your father as a human being. Try and picture him as a little kid growing up with his parents, siblings, in his childhood home etc. Really make an effort to visualize what it was like for him when he was a child. How did he look? Where is he in the family line up? First child, middle child, baby of the family etc. What was his Dad like? What was his Mom like? What was he like when he was your age?
If you don't know these things, Ask him! Tell him you want to go get a coffee and ask him to tell you about his own life, childhood, teen years and all. Ask him how he got along with his parents when he was your age. You might be surprised by his responses to your questions. Make it like an interview for a school project. Get all the details he will give you. This may open a brand new door for you both in your relationship with him. It may also remind him what it was like to be your age.
Parents try and pretend that they weren’t a giant pain in the butt to their own parents and this is a LIE. We were all obnoxious brats on occasion and it's a good thing for us to remember that. As parents, we expect our own kids to behave better than we did, magically. Not gonna happen. Especially if, as parents, we don't teach our kids how to communicate better than we communicated with our parents.
And one more thing- you seem very concerned about "treating your Dad the way you should". Might I remind you AND your Dad that YOU are the child and HE is the "Adult". It is not your job to play mother to your own Dad. It is HIS job to act like an emotionally mature adult and if you are behaving in a fashion that is disrespectful to him, he should tell you that is not acceptable behavior. If he is pouting like a child and waiting (like a child) for you to go and soothe his bruised little ego, then he needs a major attitude adjustment. Your job is to be the kid and to learn from him, not to fix his boo-boo's. Again, you may find when you do your "interview" about his childhood, that he has some unfinished business that he needs to deal with in order to be a more mature parent himself.
Good luck.


Samm says:
Here's the thing, it sound to me like your attitude towards your dad and your idea of "treating him how he should be treated' needs to be looked at in a different perspective, I don't know how old you are..but as a young person, your relationship with your parents is difficult. We want to be financially independent people and we want to never have to ask our parents for help. Sometimes we get angry and frustrated and snap...not because we're mad at THEM we're mad at OURSELVES. Resentment baby. It's a jagged pill. We are frustrated with ourselves because we can't find a job that pays our bills or allows us to live on our own. We want to run away and become successful and run our own lives and households and then invite them over for dinner (that we slaved over in the kitchen for hours) and show them how successful we are without their help. If your parents took out loans for school, you probably feel like you will be in debt to them your whole life. This is a very hard situation to deal with as a young person, so the best you can do is understand that this is why you subconsciously react the way you do... and go from there. Tell them that you're frustrated with yourself but unfortunately it comes out in an adverse way and to bear with you whenever these sudden freakouts occur. We're only human, and our parents were also children once. We all go through it! So suck it up, admit WHY you're so angry. Reel in the attitude when you're around your parents and then go from there..one day at a time lady..it's the best way to live!

Born Again Virgin?

“Ok so last year I had sex with this guy (I‘m 19) and I haven’t had sex since. It’s been a year or so and although I didn’t regret it at the time, I‘m starting to, now that I’ve found someone I really care about. I never understood about “waiting ‘til you find someone special” until now. I’m wondering since it’s been a long time since I’ve had sex, could I say that I’m a virgin to the next person I sleep with and have them believe me?”, signed L.E.


Mimi Says:
Wow. Let's get this straight. You are asking if lying to a guy about something that is none of his freaking business in the first place is ok? Right?
First, YOUR body is YOUR body. Whether you have had one other partner or 47, it is YOUR body. I think by now you have realized that sex is not love and love is not sex, even though you can have love without sex and sex without love.I would be far more concerned about this new guy being the first guy you said "I love you" to. That is far more valuable than the stupid virginity thing that so many people make the only important "gift" they have to give another human being. It is not.
Let's look at Jessica Simpson who made such a big freaking deal about being a virgin when she married Nick Lachey. Ten minutes after they finally had sex, all that energy spent trying to stay a virgin was gone. Now that she is divorced and she has been with how many guys, do you think that the person she marries next will be upset that she's not a virgin that he can "de flower"?
Unless your new guy is a member of a religion that promises him virgins when he dies, most guys would prefer that their lover NOT be a virgin because, frankly, virgin sex encounters are mostly awkward, clumsy and downright unmemorable. Someone who has a clue what is going on will be a much better partner.
And honey, you are young. I am giving you permission right this minute to NEVER have to tell anyone how many people you have had sex with. And that goes for every woman out there. It is NO ONE'S business but your own. NO ONE. Not even your future husband.Any guy who insists on knowing exactly who you have slept with is going to turn into a nightmare of an abusive, possessive freak and you should run away from him right now.


Samm Says:
As much as us young adults want to disagree with our parents...I'm in total agreement with you mom! Here's the thing…you're 19 years old!!! (and I'm allowed to say this because…I'm 24, and 19 wasn't that long ago), and even though you think this guy is "the one" and "you've finally found him"....I can tell you right now. HE‘S NOT. Unless by some miracle you fall into the 4% category that meets someone young, falls in love and lives happily ever after with that SAME person...he might be more like Mr. Right Now. Deciding that you have to be a virgin to be with this guy is completely ridiculous and starting your sexual life off with a lie...probably not your best idea! You‘ll be disappointed with yourself later, and frankly starting off a relationship with this guy based on a lie…DEFINITLEY not a good idea...sorry girlfriend...but mom is right on this one!

FOOTNOTE: We both want to stress the importance of getting tested for HIV/AIDS regularly. In fact, we wish that groups of friends would go together twice per year and have it done. And rather than finding out after a wild night that your new pal hasn't had a test yet, ASK FIRST. If your partner hasn't had a test and refuses to practice safe sex then refuse the tango. It's easier to be embarrassed for two minutes now asking that tough question than carrying a deadly disease for the rest of your life. No one is that irresistable and you should not be that irresponsible. Sermon over...

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